06 November 2010

Herpes and Humor

As you know, my posts tend to be common situations/moments in life that I take and turn into more humorous episodes. In this case, all the focus is on my friend, Ginger. We've been friends for a long time and I'm proud to say that we have a tendency to talk about whatever trivial subject and turn into some over-the-top kinda rant. One particular case was a night that our other friend, Riann, decided she'd bring her bag of used makeup. Riann has a tendency to not throw things away but she'd rather share her tiny eyelash bacteria and other facial cells with the rest of us. A true friend she is.

And if you know me, I don't wear a lot of makeup. So I simply chose to pass on trying out anything in her stash. Not to mention, I wasn't in the mood right then for a debilitating case of herpes simplex virus. Not that Riann was sportin' a small speed bump on her lip, but it's just best to avoid that potential altogether.

But not Ginger...the girl loves a good deal on some Maybelline. Not only that, but I think there was also some Rimmel in the mix. And who wouldn't want a good mascara that's endorsed by none other than the crack-snorting, tantrum-throwing bombshell, Kate Moss. Gosh, I hope she doesn't subscribe to this blog--I'd hate to feel the backlash from this puny post.

Ginger (on the left) currently herpes free

So after all the makeup hoopla, I was going about my business the next day when my phone begins to blow up with texts. They happen to be from Ginger. In all her hysteria, she's able to send word that she woke up with a tiny mountain on her lip. I laugh and send her a message that that's what happens when you use makeup that is already used. I told her Kate Moss would be utterly disappointed and would probably call her to chew her out right after she sucks up a tiny bag of COCA-EEN up her left nostril.

"But, V, it can't have been the makeup! I love that lip gloss!"

"Well, it seems that so did a little virus. You both have shiny lips now..." I don't hesitate to let her know I'm rolling on the floor laughing and she's not very amused by it.

"It'd be nice if my friends were a little more supportive! I have to go shopping later for a nice outfit that I find on the clearance rack for $3.25!!"

"Ok, ok, I'm sorry. Why don't you come over and since Moose is currently setting off Roman candles, I'll have him aim that sucker right at your lip-enveloping alien and he'll shoot it off--free of charge. I'll take pictures."

"Stop being a bitch, this thing is disgusting! I think it's going to need it's own zip code!"

"Well, we also have a small lab kit here. I bet if we take a sample of it, it may just turn out to be your twin. Let's go ahead and name it and maybe you can take your Christmas pictures by fireplace. I'll knit the little booger a sweater. I heard herpes tend to get a bit chilly during the winter months."

"Ok, I'm defriending you on Facebook and then permanently deleting you out of my life...that is, after I get that little sweater. Hahahahahahahahahaha! Oh wait, do you think I could get a deduction on my taxes if I claim it as a dependent?"

"Hey, it can't hurt to try. Take it into the INS, give them a few bucks and they'll make it a full-blown citizen."

I finally got a little serious and said that I read on WebMD that you can ease the pain of the virus with Vitamin C, lysine, and topical creams. Other than that, you just gotta wait it out and then do things to prevent future outbreaks.

She did come over after that and upon seeing her Moose ran screaming out of the house. It went something like this:

"O. M. G.! My mother let a foreigner into our home and I think it wants to use my tiny body as a host! I'm just a little boy! Juan! Rosa!! Save me, por favor! Que debe ejecutar para la frontera ahora! (We must run for the border now!)"

Seriously, where that little guy learned Spanish is beyond me. But it's cute to watch him running down the sidewalk with his little paws flailing in the air...

Ginger was successful in defeating the creature that invaded her lip. She's finally back to normal, but last I knew she was texting Riann to see if she could another batch of lip gloss. She's about as addicted as Kate.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, the memories! Takes me back to such wonderful times!