I simply chew them like gum. One time she gave me my own pair and I chewed it til it fell apart. That was just a case of bad craftsmanship on the part of Victoria's Secret. I wrote her a letter to make better ones:
Dear Victoria, I need better panties to chew. You got some for me? I like pink and black. Maybe a striped one too. Here's $5 from my mother's purse. Your most devoted customer, Moose Wazowski.
I got only one eye. I got no balls. But I got lotsa personality and I know how to use it to get treats. Now, if anyone out there is near this apartment, I'll help you get the treats down from up on top of the fridge. Here's the address:
You go down this street. Then you have to turn over there and she lives in that apartment with the white door and the pumpkin out front. Easy peezy directions. Remember, sometimes there are these red things that are bright and my mother will stop her car when she gets to them. I always tell her to just go ahead and keep going but she said something about a ticket and going to jail. I'm a little suspicious she has a history of some felonies. Not sure what exactly a felony is but guessing it doesn't get you treats. 'Specially those that taste like filet mignon. Mother doesn't eat filet mignon cuz she says it doesn't help you get lean? Let me show you something:
I got nice glutes. I eat filet mignon. That lady in the shower don't know crap 'bout what it takes to get lean. She just a chub.
Sometimes when I take naps, I like to get into the snuggie. I like it cuz it makes me feel like I'm a leopard in the jungle. I'm not really a leopard, guys, I just kinda come off like one. It's my swagger. But this is me in my snuggie:
See how I just got one eye? My mother says it makes me more handsome and that having 2 eyes is overrated. I think she loves me. She always kisses me.
Sometimes I go to work with my mother. Her clients love me and sometimes they ask about me when I don't go with her. I like the studio, I can run real fast and once I accidentally pooped there. I got real excited when I saw lots of people and just dumped. She said it was ok, that I didn't mean it. I didn't.
My first time at the studio, I was just real little...like this:
That's when I had 2 eyes still. I got a harness on cuz my mother doesn't want me to be without my leash. I look kinda handsome, huh? But I'm lots bigger now, she feeds me everyday and gives me water. I also get apples, carrots, egg whites, and cucumbers. She doesn't let me have other bad food. Says I have to stay real healthy so my poop is solid.
It's solid. Sometimes when I poop, we run away from it because she forgot to put more poop bags on my leash. That doesn't happen very often. But when it does I have to poop by a bush far away. Haha, my mother is funny when she runs from my poop. I told the new kid next door about it and this is what he thought:
Ok, that's all. I gotta go, my mother's getting out of the shower. I'm gonna get to nap now, I got the red fleece blanket all ready and all she has to do is cover me up. I can't wait. Hope she doesn't find out I wrote on here.