13 December 2010

Jill's birthday

So Jill decided to turn another year older.

We acted like it was going to be the last celebration any of us would ever have.

The night started when Ginger, who had just that morning broken her toe, decided to at least come hang out with us before we headed out. She didn't feel as though she'd be able to stay out since her foot was throbbing and she was unable to wear decent shoes.

She came over after school (she's a teacher) and wanted to go to the liquor store to get Jill a good bottle of wine for her birthday.

Ginger also bought herself a huge bottle of white wine.

I got a 6-pack of beer...Landshark.

We went back to my place and just hung and talked and laughed. I finished getting ready and Moose was being his usual self, just all up in Ginger's face and invading her personal space.

Moose is never short on attention
It was a couple of hours before Jill and the rest of the group showed up, and Ginger and I weren't really paying attention to how much we drank. We were just having a good time. It was all out of naivete and innocence. We knew not what we did.

Jill showed up with her sisters and then Allison followed shortly thereafter.

We kept drinking. The girls made their mixed drinks and we all sort of just hung out for a while.

No one knew that Jill and her sisters, Kristi and Lanelle, were going to dress alike: dresses, black tights, and boots. I wore my typical jeans, boots, and shirt. Ginger, who was the loveliest of all, wore her teacher's outfit: gray slack, blouse and cardigan. Allison had managed to shop for something new and trendy--no surprise there. We were a multiculturally-fashioned group.

All I know is that this was my thought in getting ready: It's frickin' raining. We're going to a biker bar. I'm 32. I could care less. I just can't wait to eat when we get home.

The other girls thoughts:

Ginger: My damn toe hurts and I can't wear my new cute teacher shoes. I'll just keep drinking my keg o' wine.

Allison: This is one of the cutest outfits I've worn in a while!! I can't wait to see how cute I look when I'm dancing on the bar...

Jill: I hope I can pull down these tights easily when I have to poop.

Kristi: I should pump breast milk before we go out. And probably try to poop.

Lanelle: I bet my sisters are thinking about pooping right now.

Moose: I could just poop with all this excitement and attention I'm getting right now!

After some time Ginger announces she's going to go out with us. My assessment was that she'd had enough wine that her toe was numb and she was also having so much fun that she didn't want it to end.

We went to the biker bar. After some dancing on the bar and a good laugh at the spectacle in the ass-less chaps and fishnet hose, and watching Kristi perform a drunken basketball shuffle/trip-and-fall all the way across the floor of the bar, this was our thoughts:

V: Why did I just take that disgusting shot of what tasted like stale cherry Pucker?

Ginger: I'm the hottest, broken-toed, cardigan-wearing teacher here.

Allison: I look goooooooooood!

Jill: I think I'm gonna River Dance now for all to see my glory.

Kristi: That was the best basketball shuffle I've ever done in my life.

Lanelle: I'm disowning my sisters in court tomorrow.

Moose: Those bitches need to get home and let me outta this kennel, otherwise I'm poopin' in their shoes.

The next morning, Ginger, Allison, and I all woke up in my bed. Moose was snuggled in somewhere with us happy as can be...

I walked downstairs to fine Kristi balled up on the air mattress. Lanelle was buried in my oversized chair, and Jill was pleasantly nude on the couch delicately covered up in a fleece blanket.

Moose, upon seeing Jill, cried and pointed, "Hey!! Look, we're BOTH naked. Isn't that awesome?!"

Our thoughts:

V: It's 6:30am, I need to clean something.

Ginger: Damn, my toe hurts.

Allison: I hope I still look cute.

Jill: Good thing I'm naked, I gotta poop.

Kristi: I feel like poop.

Lanelle: I'm an only child.

Moose: This was so fun, I might poop!

Good thing Jill's birthday only comes around once a year, it's always a long recovery.


  1. OK, first of all LOL. Second, my outfit was not new, it was actually old just had never been worn all TOGETHER (and I did look goood :). Third, you conveniently left out the part where your son broke up the party at 6:30 am with his "bladder mishap" ;)

  2. This is freakin hilarious!! I read it to Grayson and he just kept looking and saying mom I gotta poop!!