Moose gets a Go Kart

I thought that maybe Moose needed a little independence. He's a very social little booger and is always either on his phone texting frantically like Kim Kardashian or he's constantly on Facebook updating his status and keeping up with his fan page.

I decided he may need his own mode of transportation that would be a little simpler and cut down on navigation time. In the past, in order for Moose to get out and meet his friends he always sort of relied on me to hook his wagon up to the back of my car. He'd sit down strap himself in, put on his aviaton goggles and cap, and brace himself for a wild ride through the streets of Overland Park.

What the goal usually was is that I'd pull him up a hill, then unhitch the wagon and give him a push. See, he was too embarrassed to have his mother drop him off to meet his friends. He'd rather I give him that shove and using the increase in acceleration and velocity, it would hypothetically drive him to his destination of interest. The only part of the equation that would typically be impossible to adjust is acceleration--little guy's legs just aren't long enough to use as brakes.

He'd go barrelling down the hill and since he has no thumbs to adequately steer the wagon handle there would be too many instances where his intention to make a right hand turn failed miserably. With the handle in his right paw, he'd make the appropriate right-turn signal with his left paw at 90-degree angle. Upon realization that he was unable to slow down and was gaining considerable momentum he'd end up screaming in both fear and alerting others.

"OOOHHHH MYYYYY GOSSSSSSSSHHHH!!!! COMIN' THRUUUUUUU! THIS THING AIN'T SLOWIN' DOWWWWWWWN!!!"

With that air of confidence and composure, he'd make a sharp turn which only ended up hurtling his tiny body into the air. Good thing that little wiener wears his aviator goggles and cap, they keep his eyes from drying out and his ears from getting tangled in the telephone wires.

I would just get in my car, drive down the hill, help him down off the wires and put his wagon in the trunk. Then it would just be that horrible embarrassment when his friends would see me drop off my son so they could all go bowling. He'd have little goggle impressions on his face and a little bit of road burn.

It was time we tried a new route. I decided that he needed a car, one that would suit his size and would allow him to drive himself to each and every social engagement. He got a Go Kart.

He still insists on wearing his goggles and cap. He also opened an iTunes account and has proceeded to make his own pimpin' mix. It's a combination of Snoop Dogg, Daddy Yankee, Pit Bull, and Madonna. He's my little material boy. He does have a tendency to try and compare rims and hydraulics with our neighbor Juan. The problem is, he has no hydraulics and no rims. And it's not a CD he's made, just a cassette tape and his ghetto blaster is attached to the back to the kart. It's full of Milli Vanilli, Guns n Roses, Salt n Pepa, and Madonna. Yes, Madonna seems to follow us through the years and I'm sure he'll once again be downloading her music when she's still making albums at age 85.

We are currently working on not parking in the yard. He also has a tendency to whistle at the ladies yelling, "Heeeey girl, wanna push play on my ghetto blaster? Then we can drive down the pet store and get some nice squeaky things. You got any money?" (He'd whistle but he can't quite get it and just ends up spitting bits of apple onto their shirts.)

He has a few issues with tact. I'm sure once his voice cracks and he becomes a little older, he'll also mature a little in how he interacts with the females. Until then, for anyone who lives in the KC area, be aware of the little wiener burning rubber and blaring his blaster. He's the one wearing the goggles.