21 August 2010

A night out with drinks and games

We had dinner together at Thomas where I didn't hesitate to clean the plates of 3 of the girls as well as my own meal along with 2 beers, and a 5-layer chocolate cake dessert. This is reason I weigh 160 lbs. It doesn't scare me.

We proceeded to head back to Riann's house for a round of games, particularly Balderdash and Mad Gab. This night was not complete without Ginger wailing at the top of her lungs that we had to play Quelf--a game that can only be described as complete nonsense and without any sort of organization. All it does is leave a group laughing and carrying on. Specifically, while the object of the game is to advance your random token character through the board to win, the journey requires a complete assortment of random tasks that were obviously created by group of peyote-smoking, Scooby-Doo-van-driving crackers. An example of what a person must do:

"Eat a cupcake while putting all of your underwear in the dishwasher and singing the Spanish version of Frere Jacques."

Sometimes you have to do things without even telling the other players what it is that you're doing. And there can also be moments where you have to do things depending on what other players do. Example:

Joni was sitting there being pretty and playing the game with great concentration and intensity. Jill had just previously rolled her turn and picked up a card which indicated her current task. She read the card and then just simply turned to Joni letting her know she could now take her turn next. As Joni picked up the die to roll it, Jill jumps up, grabs her chapstick, runs to the window and looks outside while yelling, "But if we give you the chapstick you said we could eat the spaghetti!" Then she quietly turns around and comes back to sit down. The reaction that this ultimately produces is one where the rest of us just kinda look at each other cuz we don't know what to think or say, and then we move on and let Joni draw the next task.

It's hard to contemplate such a game, but with several beers and madras it can turn into quite the entertaining and thought-provoking event. But it wasn't complete without Jill wearing a sash, Ginger talking in a voice with octaves too high for even a dog to hear, and Riann wanting to see if the website "Hot or Not" still exists. All the while, Allison is in the corner hoping someone has posted a comment on her Facebook wall, and Sarah is insisting we all listen to Kenny Loggins belt out "Footloose" for the bazillionth time--no Sarah, none of us are going to reenact the prom scene with you. See, nothing about the night makes sense and it wasn't as if any of us were paying much attention to what anyone else was doing.

We are Quelf. And yes, it's a very real game, probably made by some German guy named Dieter von Schlicktenheimatenschwiegerblitz. One review has even said, "If 'Cranium' and 'Truth or Dare' had a baby, it would be called 'Quelf' "...true statement.

As is demanded, I have to also include this next little bit since it was a part of the night. But the incredibly horrendous images are burned forever into my memory. Now, it's elementary to know that the occipital lobes of the brain are the areas by which we are able to look at words and images. The image that is provided in this blog has made me seriously consider opening my skull and crushing my own occipital lobes in order to blind myself from ever having to view another image like this again. If you find yourself speechless, rest assured it is only the decision made by your Broca's area, located in a nearby place on the left frontal lobe, to disallow any thought to transform into words. I will do that for you: Buttaface. Buttaface is a word derived from the Greek word for "the most disgustingly flammable formation of what used to represent a pleasant species of the human race and can only leave one to curse the ever-living holiness of what used to be holy but is now nothing but a pile of leperous dung." The girl's got everything buttaface.

Russian Tranny Helga Lippinmoleykrizinskaya

And as for Moose, he's currently trying to get his own sexy schnozzle uploaded onto "Hot or Not" while this Cougar admits she fell asleep during said party like it was just another day...


  1. I love it! I enjoyed reliving the previous night's activities through your quirky perspective. I laughed, laughed some more, and learned a thing or two about my brain! I'm looking forward to reading many more posts, Vanessa! I wonder if Helga approves?

  2. Jennifer Scott Brown21 August, 2010 21:52

    That's obviously not a female.... rieeeght?

  3. Helga definitely approves!! You guys know I would dress up like that sober, right?? I AM that crazy.
    Ohhh, V, what can I say other than this is simply GENIUS and quite the masterpiece. So excited for many more blogs of Moose and YOU!

  4. I am excited too! Love seeing my name in print, Sleepy McNapperson ;) And tell Moose to make sure he posts a picture of his good side to Hot of Not.